I guess I've known for a long time I am a co-dependent person. I would never have called myself that, though. Not with my need to be in control of my own environment, of myself. To be utterly independent of anyone else and trust no one. To be set aside, unique, different, unable to be tossed back and forth by the wind. A rock.
How trite and fleshly.
I have become and have been (most of my life) the very thing my spirit and soul cry out against. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said, "An artist. I would travel all around and find the lone tree in a gated pasture and I would draw for hours and then sell my work." The response, "Good luck with that, kid."
I am so co-dependent I've become unreliable. Paralyzed. Someone who has neither goal nor the means to finish a race to win. Impotent. A man who looks at himself in the mirror and then forgets his own face as he walks away James 1:23 & 24. I've almost destroyed my own livelihood, my marriage (subsequently, my daughter) and sinned against my own body. Defiled the temple of the Holy Spirit.
No longer will I be seeped in the way of liars, beggars and thieves.