Sunday, March 25, 2012

Brave New World

April 1st will mark two years of sobriety. In June, it will mark two years ago that I stepped away ran screaming from my addiction which I allowed to take away so many years, so many relationships, so many dreams. It was never worth all I allowed it to become. If anyone ever thinks they are in control of a hidden sin, they are dead wrong.

Thank God Joel 2:25 still holds true: 25 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." Once again, God has proven faithful when I was not.

Now comes the hard part (not that the last two years haven't been hard). I have to start over. I never wanted to start over.

When I got married, I walked down the aisle knowing I was marrying my best friend. Knowing that God put us together and He had a plan, a will, for our lives. My future husband knew my secrets, knew my weaknesses, and we held the same dream in our hearts to share the Light of Christ to the world around us, to have a family one day, to cling to each other, and more importantly, to God, in all circumstances.

But things happen. Sin happens. And God's warning is true, "the wages of sin is death." -Romans 6:23 And the Scripture Romans 6:21 has never been truer: "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!"

Death of trust. Death of relationships. Death of dreams.

If it ended there, I don't know how I could ever go on. However, God always gives us a promise when asking for obediance. "For the wages of sin is death....BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Gifts are not earned. Thank GOD. Gifts are not something you have to pay for. Thank you JESUS. And most times, gifts are something not expected. 

God is just, yes, but He is also merciful. Justice was absolutely served to me for the things I did. But I have found mercy along the way, too. Even from those I hurt the most. God knows all things, sees all things, is not confined to space or time. He has a plan and a future. One to prosper and not to harm. One that gives us hope.

If my future "only" consisted of Heaven, I'd consider myself one of the most blessed among the blessed. Because I am still here on Earth, apparently He's not done with me, yet. I pray I keep my eyes open and focused on Him so that I don't miss the REST of this life.

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