Ham is 11 months old!

YAY! Wow, Ham is almost a year old.

She has grown so much and then again, she's still just a baby.

I could have never imagined what a joy my own child would bring. I have fiercely loved my nieces and nephew with all of my heart. I would do anything for them. I would lay down my life for them. I have also loved the kids I baby-sat for in the last 10 years. I have become so attached to other people's children that I cried when I had to say good-bye.

When I look into Ham's eyes, I see my heart. I am so in love. She is the funniest, wittiest (yeah, yeah, she can't even talk, I know), most brilliant, sweetest baby ever. I love everything she does...even when she is crying or whining, I love her. Even like her a lot. I love her voice. I love everything about her squatty (my sister's coined word for Ham), chubby, silky-soft body. I love her open-mouth, a-little-too-wet-kisses. I love it when she pats me on the back while I cradle her in my arms. I love it (and it breaks my heart) when she cries out, "Ma ma ma ma," if she doesn't want to go in her crib. I love watching her discover EVERYTHING. I love discovering things all over again through her eyes.

If we have another baby, I can't even imagine loving them as much as I love her. But I know I will. My sister told me so. And she's really, really smart. She had the same thoughts, the same fear, "How can I love anyone as much as I love my first?" Then she had her little boy and she fell in love with him, too...and with her second little girl after that.

I know each parent feels the same way that I do about their children. I know that every aunt and uncle love their nieces and nephews as their own children. To all of us, however, the love for our own flesh and blood is unmatched. It is what it is.

So, anyway, we don't know what we're doing for Ham's 1st Birthday, but I'm sure it will involve family, friends, cake and ice cream, NO PRESENTS (I hope, but know she'll get some), and lots of pictures and laughs.

Here's what Ham learned to do for the first time on September 8th...her 11 month 'birthday.' (What DO you call that, anyway?)

A place to learn and grow

So, this is a place I can call my nuthouse home. I seriously need a way to get out what I am thinking and also to make fun of myself. Blogging isn't new to me...well, I did a LiveJournal about 10 years ago and have misplaced what the name of it was. However, as I write this, I have the http://www.bloggingbasics101.com/ website open to help me along. (Hence the ability to cross things out. Woo-hoo.)

I am excited. This is a time of my life where I have about three hours during the day in which to relax do laundry, cook, clean, run errands, use the bathroom, shower, and if I am feeling really adventurous lazy, I can paint, draw, and now...blog!

The other hours of the day are mostly spent taking care of and playing with my sweet baby Ham. If you haven't understood where the three hours 'down time' come from, that is when Ham is sleeping.

I am 32 years old, a wife of almost 5 years, and a mother to a 9 month old little girl. I am also an artist and a writer, but those things have taken the backburner for years until recently. I am in the process of bringing those things back to life. It's very fun.

I love my family, I love my kid, I love nature, beauty, helping other people out, and my God. I am not very good at loving any of these things. I have trouble remembering to call my family, I get irritated at Ham's whining, I don't recycle, I eat too much junk food, read those dumb gossip rags, I don't help other's out enough, and some days I forget to talk to God all-together. I don't know why I use the word 'love' if I can't prove I love all these things.

I just know that I do and that I would be nowhere without any of these things...except the beauty part. However, I find beauty to be everywhere, not just in the conventional things like tan gams, rock-hard abs, celebriosity, and flowers. I think the homeless man is touching and beautiful. I find beauty in helping an elderly lady find Depends on aisle 3 of CVS so that she doesn't have to be embarressed about asking an 18-year-old male clerk, and there is something about my nephew coming inside smelling like a 5-year-old should and covered in sweat and dirt.

So, come join me on my jour....oh, Ham just woke up. Gotta go!